Gifts

Sometimes in life you get unexpected things.. I am not talking about material things but moments that touch the soul. I was talking to my ex-husband the other day and the peace he gave me over our youth was amazing. I blamed myself never had I thought that our divorce had anything to do with him but in my immaturity and my young age. So when he made amends for his part in it I felt so much love.. I have always thought that there was nothing really wrong in the men that I married except in their choice for a wife.

Now I know in life that nothing is all ones fault, two people play a part in it.. Do I wish I could have been a better wife? Yes! I still wonder at times what if? How would our children be, how much are they screwed up from our choices in life? But I also know that I can not live in what ifs or if only.. I have today I cannot correct what has already been done but I can apply what I have learned to my life and do my best not to make the same mistakes.

I wonder if it is age that makes us wiser, or if there could not be wisdom if there was no life.. without experiences what could you know what could you learn, would you still receive all the gifts and blessings that life has to offer? Or would you know nothing and in knowing nothing have nothing to offer?

Maybe I am just rambling.. today is my birthday and I am 44 years old now and would I change my past if I could? There are many things I would have liked to have done different but would I have had the same experiences, would I have missed out on people that I love that I have helped that have helped me?

There is not much in this world that I wish for.. ( I dream of winning the lottery) but there is actually nothing that I need. I am blessed in my life and do not require much to make me comfortable. I just love today any day really.. for it is not people that I need to make me happy but peace and acceptance of myself. and when someone does touch my heart it is just an added gift..

okay I am babbling, because I have been crying the loss of the puppy today so I am over this blog right now..